The other day I posted a blog about the day you became the person you are now. I had something happen this morning that made me realize exactly where I am going! And trust me, it was a bit of a revelation *G*
How many times in your life have you been told that you can't do something? Not the kind of "NO!" that is for your own safety, but the kind where someone doesn't believe you are smart enough, strong enough, or simply enough. I've encountered this more times than I care to count.
I was sent this last night. If you know me, you'll know that my faith is a mishmash of a lot of various faiths. However, this one spoke to my heart to the point that I was beyond words.
When I wanted to be a veterinarian, I was told I couldn't because a) there wasn't enough money for college (financial aid wasn't what it is now) and b) my heart was too soft. When I wanted to be a nanny, I was told that I'd never be able to be too far from my family. (That one was sort of true!) When I decided maybe I'd give college a try, I was told that I wasn't ready. I had too many things on my plate and I'd fail. When I actually did start college, I was told that I'd never follow through. I was told that an English degree was a waste of money and I'd never be able to find a decent job. When I wrote, I was told I'd never continue. (I will someday, but right now, it just isn't the right time.) And this morning, I was told that it was interesting that I was still pursuing an English major because I was neither a good writer nor a strong one.
Well, guess what? I am still here. I'm on the downhill slide to a number I'm not comfortable admitting just yet, but I'm not giving up! I'm still busting my ass and I WILL succeed! I'm a good writer. I'm a strong writer. I'm intelligent and I will accomplish the things I want in this life! I can only get better with all the incredible people who are teaching me, showing me, and guiding me. And guess what? I don't need your approval!
And neither do you! If I can do this, you can, too. Get out there and make your dreams come true! I'll believe in you, if you need me to!
I believe in you <3 Thank you for the kind words^^
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ReplyDeleteGIRL YOU'RE SPEAKING TO ME!!! YES I CAN & I WILL!!! BE BLESSED!!!
ReplyDeleteThank you!!
ReplyDeleteThank you God bless you.
ReplyDeleteFor 2 days, I have pondered over the words that I can give you. First of all, I am so glad to hear that your daughter is stable at this moment. As a mother, some days that is all you hope for.
ReplyDeleteFamily relationships are often the most toxic relationships we will encounter. Families only remember who we used to be not who we have become. Growth and change are not recognized. As much as people will tell you to cut the toxicity from your life, it is hard to disconnect from family. After all, they are our family.
I believe your father was correct...you are incredibly strong. To have gone through what you've shared with me here, on your own, shows the strength within the core of you.
I wish I had some insightful advice to share with you, but I am at a loss. I pray that you find a friend to lean on or a person of faith to guide you. Is there a support group that maybe your daughter's doctor could recommend? A parents' group for people with children with your daughter's condition? I know they'd be able to relate best to you and your situation. I'd advise that you keep your mother and sisters current on your daughter's condition, but to not expect anything other than condemnation or ridicule from them.
When my anxiety/depression is running my life, quite often, I will light a candle or two, take a long bath/shower, and imagine the water washing away the stress. Often, the shower is the one place where I can simply cry my heart out. I don't know to whom you pray, but prayer and faith in something larger than yourself can help keep your strength at it's peak condition. That being said, I also know taking a walk to clear my head or going to the gym and beating the hell out of a punching bag helps, too.
I believe your father is walking beside you every day, lending you his strength and support, even though you cannot see him. He's proud of you and everything you have overcome.
I pray that the angels wrap their wings around you and hold you when you feel you are at your weakest. I also hope you feel guided to the right people to support you as you move through your days. On a final note, I want to share a quote with you that a dear friend shared with me: "You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think." — Christopher Robin, Winnie the Pooh
Bright blessings and loving light to you and yours!
Thank YOU for sharing an All TOO familiar Story That IS Prevalent in ALOT of families AND Sometimes We Just Have To Have limited Contact OR NO CONTACT. Because Of Toxic Relationships!! I UNDERSTAND G-d WANTS us to Have relationships BUT IF it causes strife, AND Mental Distrss Bc They ABUSE You , I FEEL I CAN BE FORGIVING of Them W/o Being Around Them And Being DeMeaned INFRONT oF Everyone Etc. JESUS WOULDN’T WANT That Kind oF Treatment, For Us Bc We ARe Supposed To BE LOVE ❤️ JUST AS HE IS !!😊
ReplyDeleteThank you for stopping by and sharing your thoughts! You are absolutely correct. You can forgive those who hurt you, but that doesn't mean the continuous toxicity to poison other areas of your life. Sometimes distancing yourself FOR yourself is the best way to heal.
DeleteFamily is supposed to be a support for you and your growth as a future member of the society but as far as I can see, they're anything but that.
ReplyDeleteSure they provided everything else that's material, including money and a good education(?) but besides that nothing else.
All I received from them was only reproaches, argues, yelling (even when they were just calling my name in the house), keep telling me how awful I was, how lazy I am and how good for nothing I am.
I looked for ways to change my way of being and in general, I always strived to be a better person than I was.
The problem is that I don't know what to do or where to go.
I am jobless, I am 28 years old, trying to finish law college and I just don't see any light at the end of the tunnel.
I went to several interviews, in some cases they said that they would hire me but afterwards they just changed their mind and tell me that they already found someone else or just go home.
I am still living with my toxic family and with this current situation with Corona Virus, I can't even get out of house, since the whole country is in lockdown.
I really don't know what to do.
My only wish is to leave this family permanently and never go back if possible.
It just hurts me even more when nobody protects you freom your abusing family, not even when you are an adult.
If you are an adult you are on your own. Apparently, you already know or are supposed to know how to deal with your life.
Nobody is supportive in these days, neither State nor the Church and the few people who really understand your pain, can't help you either.
Please don't feel alone! I'm here. I have read your comment and I am working on a reply, I promise. I just want to be in a good headspace myself before I respond in great length. You have been in my thoughts continuously today. Hang in there! I am paying attention.
DeletePart 1- What family should or shouldn't do is really not as relevant as it used to be. Family isn't always measured by the blood we share. Trust me! Most of the family in my life doesn't share any DNA with me. And our bond is stronger than any familial bonds I've known. I encourage you to look around you. Who is supporting you and helping you? Who are the ones who tell you what you don't want to hear, but need to hear? Those people are your family.
DeleteYour family life sounds a lot like mine used to be. I was told I'd never amount to anything. I wasn't smart enough to make it in the world. Sadly, those voices have stuck with me for too many years and weighed me down. After the week I've had and the shit that has happened, they've come back and are making me feel like I'm really everything they said to me as I was growing up. However, I know those aren't MY truths. They're what these people believe about themselves. I will rise from this setback and be stronger than before. So will you!
Part 2-I don't know where you live, but why are you jobless? Have you tried to intern somewhere? If you're attempting to finish law school, I wonder if you've tried that avenue. And, trust me, I know 99% of the internships pay nothing, but it may get your foot in the door. Retail jobs are shit, I get it, but it would be money in your pocket and they are pretty flexible when it comes to school schedules. There's also call centers. If you've got the drive to be a lawyer, then I know you have the drive to do what you need to in order to succeed.
DeleteFamily is usually one of the most toxic relationships we have to experience. I hate that it is that way. But let me share some insight I've discovered. People can only love you the way they know how. Every so often on Life's journey, we find people who can love us the way we need them to, but usually, people can only love to the depth and breadth they know. Whether it is because of their upbringing or just that they're jerks, we can either accept that they can only love us the way they know how or walk away.
This virus is really wreaking havoc everywhere and keeping people gathered up with toxicity really is doing no one good, mentally or emotionally. However, it is a necessary part of all our lives at this point. I have you in my prayers and thoughts each and every day.
It's funny how much you sound like me! I wanted to cut all family ties and walk away from this BS. I've spent so many years away that I find I don't miss too much of my family, but there are members I do miss. And as much as we don't want to think about it, not every family member will be here when we are ready to heal. If you haven't made amends, it can be so very hard. Death is such a permanent good-bye and no one gets to say "I'm sorry" at the end of that journey.
Yes, as an adult, society expects us to have these survival instincts that we don't always have. It's hard. Especially when you have to rely on your family so heavily.
One thing I've discovered is that I am the only one who can defeat the dragons in my life. I have to be the warrior I wish someone else could be. It isn't easy by any means. I had to lose the one family member who loved me beyond all else. I had to walk away from a marriage. I had to pull myself away from the toxicity and let my mind and body heal in order to move forward. And I have moved forward. That doesn't mean that it isn't one of the most difficult things I've done, but I made it through the tunnel. I promise there is light and healing on the other side. You just have to keep pushing through the darkness. It will make you a better man, better lawyer, better husband, and a better father when it's all said and done. That much I can swear to you.
Keep reaching out even in the darkness. Just when you least expect it, you'll find another hand reaching back.
Keep in touch, please. I know I'm just a human with no training except what I've learned from Life, but I know how it feels to feel like no one cares.
I don’t know you or know if you’re still going through this but read the Bible and trust Jesus. You will find God is the only approval you’ll need and you’ll find so much peace when you open your heart. I realize you didn’t ask me but I had to give you the answer you were looking for. I pray you are well and healthy. God bless you, in Jesus name, amen
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