Finding Beauty in the Darkest Places

   

I've been struggling a lot lately. Finding my way is harder than I ever imagined. The yellow brick road is covered in debris and thorny bushes and the flying monkeys flew off with my machete. My clothes are ripped and torn from my struggle through the forest. My body is worn out and tired from all the fighting. My mind is trying to comprehend why I am having to struggle as hard as I am. I'm trying to keep from giving up, but, by gods, it is hard some days. I don't feel beautiful. I don't love myself. And I sure as fuck don't feel worthy of being loved.

I look beside me and the people who love and support me are cloaked from sight. While this is my own personal battle, it is nice to know when people are fighting with you and for you!

I was given some homework to do and I am dreading it because it is going to tear me apart emotionally. However, this is something that needs to be done...after all, I want you to see that I'm not just another name on the other side of the computer screen. I'm a real life woman with issues too numerous to count. Because I want you to see the struggle, I am posting this here for you.

What Makes Me Beautiful?

1. My darkness. It is full of the secret longings, desires, and loves I hold inside.

2. My smile. Though crooked and not perfect by any means, I've been told that it brightens a person's day.

3. My eyes. I love the hazel green that is shifting to a golden color. But I also love that I see the good in people.

4. My hair. It is currently blue black with sapphire blue and jade green streaks in it. This is the purest expression of me.

5. My ability to love. Even after being hurt as much as I have been, I still love to the width and depth of my being.

6. My hope. I have hope that life will better itself and I will be able to see that the struggle has been worth it.

7. My hands. They bear scars and show my age, but when one person I know takes my hands in his, I notice how easy it is for him and how we fit together so beautifully.

8. My imagination. It has kept me from becoming so entrenched in the dire straits of my reality.

9. My heart. Like my hands, it bears scars from the people I trusted to take care of it, but didn't. Yet, I still hold my heart out for the next person, offering it up as a sacrifice for them, hoping they see the true me and wonder if they can still love me just the same.

10. My inner dork. I am a nerd, but unless I really let you in, you'll never see. I laugh at the silliest jokes, belly laugh over derp derp dog pictures, and can't pass up a chance to have a good LOTR marathon.

So, part one of my homework is done. This was one of the hardest things I've had to do, but I've done it. I mean every word of it. Show me your scars and tell me about what makes YOU beautiful! Let's celebrate the beauty inside each of us!