Thursday, March 9, 2017

How Can I Say Thanks?

This isn't one of those mushy posts where I tell everyone how much I love them and thank them for making me, well, me.

You don't have to know me personally to know my struggles. Financially, emotionally, mentally...we all have them. Mine aren't any different from anyone else's. I'm not special or pretending to be. But today, I took a step in the right direction. I put a payment down to insure my future will be better than my today. That my dreams will come true. That I will be able to have it all!

I've fought this war within myself for the better part of a year. An independent woman who asks no one for anything. Who will go without simply out of pride. I've cried and rallied at the universe for the issues I've faced. For the people I've lost. Today, I learned a very valuable lesson. I'm strong. I'm determined. I can stand on my own (despite being told I would never be able to do it). I learned that sometimes I amaze myself and in the best ways.

I'm not a confident woman. If you've read some of my blog posts, you know that. But today, I'm standing a little bit taller. I've done something that makes me proud of who I am and where I am.

I didn't get to this point by taking the easy way. My mom has told me on occasion that I don't have to try and climb over the mountain. I could have just walked around it instead. She's right! The problem is that I don't always see two paths, so I take the one I see instead of blazing my own. People have left me when I thought they'd always stay. Friends have stabbed me in the back. It is to these people that I say my thank yous! Because they left or hurt me, I found my own strength. Their words were often hurtful and unfair, but you know what? They taught me the lessons I needed to learn. For that I'm eternally grateful. Had they not left my life and not looked back, I may not be sitting here today, writing about how I found my truth and strength.

I cannot depend on someone else to make my dreams come true. That is all on me! Today, I took one step closer to seeing this dream through. It may not seem like much to you, but it is a big deal in my world. I kicked off the covers, took a deep breath, and flipped off all the people who said I'd never make it without them. I've cried and fought against the changing tides, but it has gotten me nowhere. So, I went out to sea with the tides and let the waters swallow me, change me, wash me of all my doubts.

I'm taking control of my dreams and I'll be damned if anyone takes the control away from me. This is MY life and I will live it MY way. I deserve happiness. I am worthy. I'm on my way!

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