Yes, You Can!

The other day I posted a blog about the day you became the person you are now. I had something happen this morning that made me realize exactly where I am going! And trust me, it was a bit of a revelation *G*

How many times in your life have you been told that you can't do something? Not the kind of "NO!" that is for your own safety, but the kind where someone doesn't believe you are smart enough, strong enough, or simply enough. I've encountered this more times than I care to count.

I was sent this last night. If you know me, you'll know that my faith is a mishmash of a lot of various faiths. However, this one spoke to my heart to the point that I was beyond words. 

When I wanted to be a veterinarian, I was told I couldn't because a) there wasn't enough money for college (financial aid wasn't what it is now) and b) my heart was too soft. When I wanted to be a nanny, I was told that I'd never be able to be too far from my family. (That one was sort of true!) When I decided maybe I'd give college a try, I was told that I wasn't ready. I had too many things on my plate and I'd fail. When I actually did start college, I was told that I'd never follow through. I was told that an English degree was a waste of money and I'd never be able to find a decent job. When I wrote, I was told I'd never continue. (I will someday, but right now, it just isn't the right time.) And this morning, I was told that it was interesting that I was still pursuing an English major because I was neither a good writer nor a strong one. 

Well, guess what? I am still here. I'm on the downhill slide to a number I'm not comfortable admitting just yet, but I'm not giving up! I'm still busting my ass and I WILL succeed! I'm a good writer. I'm a strong writer. I'm intelligent and I will accomplish the things I want in this life! I can only get better with all the incredible people who are teaching me, showing me, and guiding me. And guess what? I don't need your approval!

And neither do you! If I can do this, you can, too. Get out there and make your dreams come true! I'll believe in you, if you need me to! 

How Can I Say Thanks?

This isn't one of those mushy posts where I tell everyone how much I love them and thank them for making me, well, me.

You don't have to know me personally to know my struggles. Financially, emotionally, mentally...we all have them. Mine aren't any different from anyone else's. I'm not special or pretending to be. But today, I took a step in the right direction. I put a payment down to insure my future will be better than my today. That my dreams will come true. That I will be able to have it all!

I've fought this war within myself for the better part of a year. An independent woman who asks no one for anything. Who will go without simply out of pride. I've cried and rallied at the universe for the issues I've faced. For the people I've lost. Today, I learned a very valuable lesson. I'm strong. I'm determined. I can stand on my own (despite being told I would never be able to do it). I learned that sometimes I amaze myself and in the best ways.

I'm not a confident woman. If you've read some of my blog posts, you know that. But today, I'm standing a little bit taller. I've done something that makes me proud of who I am and where I am.

I didn't get to this point by taking the easy way. My mom has told me on occasion that I don't have to try and climb over the mountain. I could have just walked around it instead. She's right! The problem is that I don't always see two paths, so I take the one I see instead of blazing my own. People have left me when I thought they'd always stay. Friends have stabbed me in the back. It is to these people that I say my thank yous! Because they left or hurt me, I found my own strength. Their words were often hurtful and unfair, but you know what? They taught me the lessons I needed to learn. For that I'm eternally grateful. Had they not left my life and not looked back, I may not be sitting here today, writing about how I found my truth and strength.

I cannot depend on someone else to make my dreams come true. That is all on me! Today, I took one step closer to seeing this dream through. It may not seem like much to you, but it is a big deal in my world. I kicked off the covers, took a deep breath, and flipped off all the people who said I'd never make it without them. I've cried and fought against the changing tides, but it has gotten me nowhere. So, I went out to sea with the tides and let the waters swallow me, change me, wash me of all my doubts.

I'm taking control of my dreams and I'll be damned if anyone takes the control away from me. This is MY life and I will live it MY way. I deserve happiness. I am worthy. I'm on my way!

Little Girl, Big Dreams Lost

My mom sent me this the other day:

I cried because I feel like I'm letting the little girl, who had such big dreams, down. She was determined to get out of that "one horse town" and become somebody. She was going to make a name for herself and change the world. I wanted to make a difference and I'm feeling like I haven't done half of what that young girl hoped for. Her dreams were so big...she wanted to write books and make a name for herself...to be her own woman, independent and strong. She didn't want to need people. She wanted people to be in her life because she wanted them there, not because she had to rely on others.

It's funny how Life can take our hopes and dreams, twist them around, and make them seem impossible. I mean, c'mon, I don't remember wanting to be a princess. I wanted to marry a man just like my dad. I was gonna be a woman just like my mom, except with the addition of the writing thing. I was going to have a big house in the woods with 5 kids and 20 dogs. My author name was going to be HUGE! 

And this is where I feel like I'm disappointing that little girl in the big farmhouse who had dreams of making her way in this world. My muse has left me and I have no idea how to start writing again. I'm afraid I will never write another word in any of my works in progress. And if I do finish a book, publish it, etc., no one will ever want to read it. My anxiety and fear take over and I can't catch my breath.

A while back I wrote a quick poem/story about searching for the little girl who was still inside, suffocating on the lack of dreams the adult version refused to believe in. I cried as I wrote it because I had laid all of my dreams aside for others. I pushed everything aside in order to make sure others got to pursue their dreams.

 I do remember her: she splashed in mud puddles, danced in the rain, played in the fields, sat under a willow tree and dreamed of the future. I still see her idealistic idea of what love and relationships looked like and how they lasted forever.

The adult version is so far off from that little girl's dream. The craziness and monotony of life has a way of stripping away the rose hue that colors our world as children.

Maybe it is time to go dance in the rain again, splash through a mud puddle without worrying about ruining my shoes, and believe in that forever love. (I'm told it exists!) And get back to dreaming those BIG dreams again! Maybe even make a few come true!

Thank You For Allowing Me My Dream

Once upon a time, there was a little girl who loved to read. She would dive between the pages of a book and indulge herself in the adventures of characters who would become her friends. As she aged, books were her escape. Characters got to rebel, have adventures, and fall in love. She watched one soap opera and the characters there showed her romance, mystery, and intrigue.

One day, she thought "Why can't I create worlds where people have adventures and fall in love? Why can't I be an author?"

And people like you have made that little girl's dream come true.

I want to thank each and every one of you who have read my blog, purchased my books, entered my contests/giveaways, signed up for my newsletter, liked my Facebook pages, and follow me in my pursuit of my dream. The little girl in me never gives up even when I want to throw in the towel. She pushes me back to my blog views, royalty statements, FB likes to show me people believe in me.

Because of you, I get to share my stories with the world. I still have a ton of stories to tell, just not enough hands to type with :) I was joking the other day that I could do so much more if I was an octopus. Four computers, 8 tentacles, and a ton of ideas? Where could that idea go wrong? LOL 

My world is a little crazy and chaotic at the moment, but the little girl in me tells me to focus on my goal (NYT Bestsellers List). So I am taking a deep breath, pausing to thank the gods who have blessed me, and pushing forward. I just need to get out of my own way:)

Thank you for allowing me to keep dreaming!