Little Girl, Big Dreams Lost

My mom sent me this the other day:

I cried because I feel like I'm letting the little girl, who had such big dreams, down. She was determined to get out of that "one horse town" and become somebody. She was going to make a name for herself and change the world. I wanted to make a difference and I'm feeling like I haven't done half of what that young girl hoped for. Her dreams were so big...she wanted to write books and make a name for herself...to be her own woman, independent and strong. She didn't want to need people. She wanted people to be in her life because she wanted them there, not because she had to rely on others.

It's funny how Life can take our hopes and dreams, twist them around, and make them seem impossible. I mean, c'mon, I don't remember wanting to be a princess. I wanted to marry a man just like my dad. I was gonna be a woman just like my mom, except with the addition of the writing thing. I was going to have a big house in the woods with 5 kids and 20 dogs. My author name was going to be HUGE! 

And this is where I feel like I'm disappointing that little girl in the big farmhouse who had dreams of making her way in this world. My muse has left me and I have no idea how to start writing again. I'm afraid I will never write another word in any of my works in progress. And if I do finish a book, publish it, etc., no one will ever want to read it. My anxiety and fear take over and I can't catch my breath.

A while back I wrote a quick poem/story about searching for the little girl who was still inside, suffocating on the lack of dreams the adult version refused to believe in. I cried as I wrote it because I had laid all of my dreams aside for others. I pushed everything aside in order to make sure others got to pursue their dreams.

 I do remember her: she splashed in mud puddles, danced in the rain, played in the fields, sat under a willow tree and dreamed of the future. I still see her idealistic idea of what love and relationships looked like and how they lasted forever.

The adult version is so far off from that little girl's dream. The craziness and monotony of life has a way of stripping away the rose hue that colors our world as children.

Maybe it is time to go dance in the rain again, splash through a mud puddle without worrying about ruining my shoes, and believe in that forever love. (I'm told it exists!) And get back to dreaming those BIG dreams again! Maybe even make a few come true!

My Inspirations

Inspiration for my stories come from a variety of things. It can be a song lyric, an image, a quote, or a dream. I do spend a lot of time looking through images I find on Facebook, Pinterest, and Google.

Now, I will not claim that I'm actually looking for images to inspire me, but every now and again, one will leap off the screen and send my mind whirling with a storyline.

In fact, that is how the YA book I'm working on came to be. I spotted a picture and the story simply came to me. There is so much to the story that I've put it on the back burner while I work on a different project, but it is still bubbling away. I'll share the picture once I'm ready to reveal the story to you.

Last night, a FB friend posted a pic. I sat and stared at the picture for the longest time. Usually, the stories begin from the female's point of view, but I have a feeling this one is going to be different. The picture caught my eye and there are about 5 different story possibilities running through my head. One will become more pronounced and that will be the man's story. My process is weird, but it is mine, so I trust it.

Natural Born Enemies began with the Celtic Thunder version of "Hallelujah!"

In fact, the entire story was written to the men from Celtic Thunder. There is absolutely no Celtic elements in the story itself, but the music made the characters come to life.

I've got four different stories I'm working on now. One had a Southern Rock soundtrack. Another has a Sinatra, Michael Buble, Chris Botti, and Harry Connick, Jr. soundtrack. Another one is all 80s Love Songs (don't ask because I have no idea where this came from) and my YA story is heavy on Celtic Woman, Celtic Thunder, and other Celtic artists.

My inspirations are just as vast as the stories I write. My Cedar River series may be all shifters, but each one is a person (in my mind) and has a uniqueness that is all their own. Each story comes from a different direction and that is what makes it special.