Loyalty, Smoyalty

*Steps on soapbox* *taps mic* 

I've been accused many times of being a June Cleaver in a Kim Kardashian world.  And it seems that is only becoming more and more true.

Today, the lesson is about loyalty and commitment. 

We have become a throw away society in so many ways. It isn't just about the convenience of items in our life. It is also about the convenience of people. It doesn't matter how close or distant they are. It doesn't matter if they are a hard worker and loyal to a fault. It becomes about convenience.

This week, I've received an eye opening revelation of what loyalty means to people in my life. It became a point where I actually began to question myself and my values. 

I realize I was raised differently than most people. I was raised to be loyal to your job, your friends, and to your mate. However, I've learned that people who claim to be your friend aren't always telling the truth. Spouses cheat and lie. And your job? Well, your job is never a sure thing. 

I got a very tough lesson and it is one that I will not soon forget. I've been told so many times how valuable I am, but it turns out that I'm not as valued as I was told. Someone whose opinion I valued revealed their true colors and their opinion of me is not as they once claimed. 

Why? Turns out that because I've slightly inconvenienced this person in order to take care of myself and mine, their opinion became one filled with malice and hate. This person turned on me in a way that I never dreamed they could or would.

For a moment (or more like the last day), I've questioned myself and doubted myself. However, what I have discovered is that what I did had nothing to do with how this person feels. But I'm a means to an end for this person. People like me. People within this forum sincerely like me. And I've sheltered this person from the anger for such a long time that they believe that I'm disposable. 

Again, I was raised to believe that people are never disposable. And once you make me feel like I am, then you are on your way out of my circle. Making me doubt myself and my values pushes you even further out. 

One thing I have learned many times of my years on this planet is that money makes people do stupid things. One of these things is often to believe that people are simply throw away. 

I may not be as smart as someone else. Maybe I could work harder or be more dedicated. When it comes to my passion, I am. However, when I have to work to create and build someone else's dream only to find myself being degraded and devalued, then I find myself question where my loyalty should actually lie.

And here is the answer...myself. That is where my loyalty should and will lie. I have a very tight circle of friends and family who love me unconditionally. They, too, have my loyalty. But that's where it ends. No longer will I put my loyalty in people who can't see my value or who make me feel like I'm less than because I am doing what I need to survive. 

Because survive I will. And I will soar higher than I ever dreamed...all on my own wings. 

A Grinch I Am And A Grinch I'll Be...

The holiday season has me in its sights and has locked onto me like a heat seeking missle. I guess I should explain: I don't love holidays...at least, not like I used to. Somewhere through the years, they lost their magick. Maybe the baubles that hang on evergreen branches tarnished. I don't know.

I've been called many things over the past years, but Grinch seems to be what fits. I don't try to diminish everyone else's joy, but I'm gonna be honest...holiday decorations hitting store shelves before Halloween? Seriously? Steals a lot of my holiday joy. Growing up, I remember our radio stations playing holiday music, but before we could hardly get the Thanksgiving leftovers put away? It's as if we are trying so hard to rush through the holiday season that we forget what we are celebrating.

Halloween isn't merely about getting candy and dressing up. For some, like me, it is about honoring our ancestors. It is a time when the veil thins between the worlds and we communicate with those who've gone before. Sure, I like a good Reese's as much as the next girl, but there's so much more to it.

Then, we have Thanksgiving. Yeah, I know Pilgrims, Mayflower, Native Americans, blah, blah, blah. For me, this holiday is about giving thanks and showing your gratitude for what you have. Counting your blessings should be an every day experience, but taking one day to be with your family, friends, or lending a hand at a soup kitchen doesn't kill any of us. No shopping. No worrying about what little Bobby and Sue want for Christmas. Just time spent enjoying this life we've been given.

By the time Christmas rolls around, we are so wrapped up in the gift giving that we lose sight of what's important. We have an entire month that is hopelessly devoted to: how many presents does each person have, did I spend the same amount on each person, and did my sibling buy our parents a bigger/better/more expensive gift? When did we stop having fun? I remember my mom making gifts for people. She would spend hours sewing things for them, making sure the colors were perfect. But I also remember getting up Christmas morning, excited to see what Santa brought. I believed in the magick of it all. Somewhere along the way, Santa was sold out to Walmart. Gifts from the heart were tossed aside for big and expensive yet cheaply made items. We lost touch with our roots and reality. I remember gifts I was given as a kid that made me question some relatives' sanity, but I smiled, said "Thank you", hell, I even had to write thank you notes! And I did it. I still do. For me, it's important to sit down and put pen to paper to tell someone how special you feel because they took the time to think of you. I would rather have one simple gift that tells me a person took the time to thoughtfully purchase a gift for me, than to have several shiny, expensive gifts. Someone I loved deeply once bought me a 5-pack of my favorite ink pens. I cried at the thoughtful gesture. That meant more to me than if this person had brought me diamonds.

The holiday season has become so wrapped up in consumerism and selfishness. Your two year old doesn't need a tablet of his own to watch his shows on. He needs a dump truck or coloring books or maybe even a day spent with you. Something to show him that HE matters to you! Not your phone, your computer screen, or your shows, your child! Your kids won't remember the year they got their phone/tablet/video game/etc., but they will remember watching Christmas movies in their jammies, sledding down a snowy hill, playing a board game, or even helping make cookies...with YOU! You are the key to a magickal holiday season! You won't always be here and those gifts don't create memories.

I'm a little older and a little wiser (I think) so let me tell you something you may not know: People seldom remember the gift you gave them 30 years from now. What they do remember is that you took the time to make memories with them. One of my favorite memories? Being in the kitchen with my family, making cookies, fudge, and candies. Me stirring the pan of fudge on the stove. My dad beating the other batch of fudge at the table. My brother being annoying. My mom baking off the sugar cookies. The radio playing and the laughter...so much laughter! We were making so much more than goodies. There was love, laughter, and memories being made in that farmhouse kitchen. 20+ years later and all I have to do is close my eyes. I am transported back to that farmhouse kitchen in rural Michigan on a snowy night surrounded by love.