Loyalty, Smoyalty

*Steps on soapbox* *taps mic* 

I've been accused many times of being a June Cleaver in a Kim Kardashian world.  And it seems that is only becoming more and more true.

Today, the lesson is about loyalty and commitment. 

We have become a throw away society in so many ways. It isn't just about the convenience of items in our life. It is also about the convenience of people. It doesn't matter how close or distant they are. It doesn't matter if they are a hard worker and loyal to a fault. It becomes about convenience.

This week, I've received an eye opening revelation of what loyalty means to people in my life. It became a point where I actually began to question myself and my values. 

I realize I was raised differently than most people. I was raised to be loyal to your job, your friends, and to your mate. However, I've learned that people who claim to be your friend aren't always telling the truth. Spouses cheat and lie. And your job? Well, your job is never a sure thing. 

I got a very tough lesson and it is one that I will not soon forget. I've been told so many times how valuable I am, but it turns out that I'm not as valued as I was told. Someone whose opinion I valued revealed their true colors and their opinion of me is not as they once claimed. 

Why? Turns out that because I've slightly inconvenienced this person in order to take care of myself and mine, their opinion became one filled with malice and hate. This person turned on me in a way that I never dreamed they could or would.

For a moment (or more like the last day), I've questioned myself and doubted myself. However, what I have discovered is that what I did had nothing to do with how this person feels. But I'm a means to an end for this person. People like me. People within this forum sincerely like me. And I've sheltered this person from the anger for such a long time that they believe that I'm disposable. 

Again, I was raised to believe that people are never disposable. And once you make me feel like I am, then you are on your way out of my circle. Making me doubt myself and my values pushes you even further out. 

One thing I have learned many times of my years on this planet is that money makes people do stupid things. One of these things is often to believe that people are simply throw away. 

I may not be as smart as someone else. Maybe I could work harder or be more dedicated. When it comes to my passion, I am. However, when I have to work to create and build someone else's dream only to find myself being degraded and devalued, then I find myself question where my loyalty should actually lie.

And here is the answer...myself. That is where my loyalty should and will lie. I have a very tight circle of friends and family who love me unconditionally. They, too, have my loyalty. But that's where it ends. No longer will I put my loyalty in people who can't see my value or who make me feel like I'm less than because I am doing what I need to survive. 

Because survive I will. And I will soar higher than I ever dreamed...all on my own wings. 

Strength

I have a few friends who are going through some tough stuff at the moment. Because I am their friend, my shoulder is always available for them to lean on. I'm not going to discuss their issues here because it isn't my business to discuss, but I will say that in most of the cases...been there, done that.

The funny thing is that these friends don't know each other, yet their responses are the same, "I wish I had your strength." And I laugh. However, I thought maybe you all needed to hear this, too, so a blogpost was born.

I wasn't born strong. Strong-willed, yes, but strong, no. This is strength that was born of fire. I had to walk through it to be this strong. This is born of years of struggling. I didn't come from much. I was never given much. Everything was earned by sweat, blood, and tears. I watched my parents struggle. Fighting to survive. Life was never easy and I would certainly not be the person I was if it had been. I've spent years walking through the fire of Life. Determining that I wanted to survive. Battling the elements and the demons that fought to keep me down. I spent 20 years battling my own dragons with no knight in battered armor to defend me. I learned to wield a sword and battle them myself.

Someone has told me that my backbone of steel could only be forged by the fire of battle. I chuckle because I've always thought I was simply made this way. I've never thought I was forged in the fire. However, I have always pictured myself as a phoenix, rising from the ashes. Beautiful, flame-colored plumage that glistens in the sun and catches droplets of water in the rain.

Life is seldom fair and we spend more time in the storms of Life than walking on sunshine. Strength comes from the storms more than the sun. It's there, deep within you. Show the world that you aren't their bitch! Live life on your terms!

And when the storms of Life rage around you, take off your shoes and dance in the rain!