The Hardest Words to Say

Somebody shared a meme similar to this the other day and I laughed. Out of these 3 things, Worcestershire sauce is the easiest for me to say. "I was wrong" is even easier to say than #2.

I am an "I love you" whore! I tell everyone who matters in my life that I love them, but "I need you"? Those words seldom cross my lips.

Things have been a bit difficult in my life lately. While I have friends to turn to, saying, "I need you" is extremely hard for me to say. I don't want others to hold space for me. Everyone has so much going on in their lives and I feel like my shit is just that...shit.

Now, I know there is at least one person reading this who is thinking that she and I are going to tussle because I will hold space for her no matter what. When everything goes pear-shaped in her life, I will drop whatever I'm doing to be there. When she says, "I need some Boo time," I rearrange whatever I can for her. 

Let's be clear: I have people who will drop everything...IF I would just ask. I just don't ask. My Boo and my Peanut? They'd move heaven and earth for me if I only said, "I need you." 

I like to be needed. It helps me push my drama aside for awhile to focus on someone else. I just hate to need others. For so long, I have lived my life without needing someone to lean on. And needing someone has the connotation (in my mind) of being too weak to handle my shit myself. 

I do know that there is strength in saying the words, "I need you." And when others say those words to me, my first thought is "How can I help you carry the weight that is on your heart?" But my flawed thinking has me believing that if I ask for time or help, then I am being judged for being weak.

Tell me: What words are hardest for you to say? How are you learning to say them anyway?

Let's Have a Conversation...

I've been away for longer than I intended. I thought I'd step back for a hot minute and it turned out to be much longer. But I also haven't had a lot to say. I've been writing. I've been working. I've been handling the shit Life has tossed at me. Something happened last week and I wanted to have a conversation.

There isn't a lot I share about my personal life on social media. Am I single? Am I married? Do I have kids? Do I not? If I passed you on the street, would you know me? Do you think you really know me simply because I post my thoughts or share memes that touch my heart? Please don't make assumptions like that! Unless we have had real conversations about the things in our lives that really matter, please don't ever think you truly know me.

So, I follow a page on Facebook. I love this page for the way it uplifts me and other women. It helps with my self-esteem issues. 

I made a comment. I make a lot of comments on the various posts. I even got bold enough to share a photo of myself on that page. And the one comment that got a reaction was one I made about my divorce. 

I had three guys message me. One asked if I could talk to him about how I got up the nerve to leave. The other two wanted things I just wouldn't provide them. I accepted the one message request and said "Hi!" 

I'm always up for helping people if I can. My story is simply my story. However, it what I've been through can help someone, I'm willing to share my survival. Then, this person sent me a picture. Of his dick! Uhm...I was on my lunch break at work. That wasn't what I wanted or needed to see. I mean, I understand he's proud of it, but from a female who has seen more impressive, I can't understand why. I thought about my response for a few minutes before I actually messaged him back. 

My first reaction was to immediately block his ass. My second response was to make a snarky, biting comment. The last response was the one I went with. I told him that I really didn't appreciate the picture. I, then, explained very nicely how I don't measure a man's worth on the size of what is in his pants. I think there are better qualities to measure a man's worth by. I went on to explain that as much I try not to judge people, I was judging him very harshly on the fact that instead of asking about me or asking about my story, he thought sending me that picture was acceptable social behavior. 

Then, I blocked his ass. 

For the men out there, trust me when I tell you that any dick pics you send us, we share with our girlfriends and usually have a good laugh over. (#TrueStory) Never said it was the right thing to do. However, if you think for a moment that women don't have conversations about this shit, you'd be wrong.
Also, please stop and think for a moment before you do something stupid.

My point to this rant is this: Never presume that because you read something a person posts on social media that you know them. I made a comment about my divorce, but that doesn't mean that I'm still single. Doesn't mean I'm not. Just means that I am divorced. Never think a woman wants to see your junk. Unless she specifically says, "Hey, show me what you got!" DON'T send that picture. 

We are all human beings worthy of respect and love. Just like most people only share their happy moments on social media, please don't think that people share every piece of their life. 
You want to get to know someone? Have a conversation. Never think you know them because of a post or picture you've seen.
Have a blessed week! Stay healthy and wash your hands. Be kind to one another.