No Such Thing as Coincidence

I have pondering a lot of things lately. Like why things have happened the way they have, why I took a left at Albuquerque instead of that right, why I work this horrific retail job, why I met the man with the charismatic smile, just the fun stuff in life, ya know?

I didn't encourage my ex-husband to take the job in Groton, Connecticut because I needed to make sure we couldn't fix what was broken. If we had moved there, well, things would definitely have been different. *G* And the man who lived in Groton had to live his life first.

I went back to school and moved to WI with my former friend because I had to learn to stand on my own two feet without help from anyone. I had to learn to believe in myself.
By going to the college that I chose, I met the man with the charismatic smile, who changed my life more than he will ever understand. He saw beauty where I could only see the ugliness, brilliance where I only saw stupidity, and hope where I only saw despair. And love beyond all compare.

My dearest and bestest friend told me that the reason I work the horrific retail job was to meet her, and I don't think she's wrong. Because I met her and my life changed for the better. We have this bond that is unreal some days. We feed off each other's emotions (good and bad) and share a wicked sense of humor. She's one of those people I would have forever missed had I never met her.

The horrific retail job also led me to the office job that I adore. One night, a customer walked in and changed my life. She took me from receptionist to office manager, giving me opportunities that I would never have anticipated. She allows me to shine and pushes me to be better.

Things have been happening lately that have me wondering if things will ever work out. I have been questioning if God/the universe/the fates will ever untangle this mess. I wonder why the things happening are happening and none of it makes sense to me. However, if this blog shows anything, it seems that the Powers that Be really do know what they're doing. I may have found the man with the charismatic smile in Groton, but we had to wait until we were both in Wisconsin first. Because I had to be here to find a horrific job that led me to my dearest friend and the job I adore. 

The people who arrive in your life are meant to be there. Whether it is a lesson, a reason, or a season, they are there to help you on this journey. After all, (and I heard this quote for the first time the other day) "We're all just walking each other home." (Quote by Ram Dass)

Birthdays

Anyone who knows me is highly aware of how much I HATE celebrating my birthday. For years, I've said "It is just another day. It's nothing special." It is just a day where I'm reminded how old I am and I'm tired of being reminded that time is rolling by. I want to grab onto the bumper of time and hold on, slowing it down.

I haven't always hated it. I'm not sure when it started exactly, but I'm guessing around the time I turned 30 and saw life passing me by. I had so much I wanted to accomplish and no idea how to do it. 

Now, I'm accomplishing goals and checking things off my list left and right. I'm enjoying my life and I want it to slow down a little bit so I can make sure I have time.

My mom and me with my cousins, Mark and Doug

This is a big year for me. I'm heading into a downhill slide toward a number I'm not ready to face. I have so much left to do and as the numbers go up, I find myself panicking because I may never see the fulfillment of some of the things I want to do. I just don't feel like celebrating this year.

The other day I was told, "Did you ever stop to think it is the day of the year where we get to celebrate you? That it is maybe the one day of the year where those who love you get to be grateful that you were born into this world? Maybe you could be a bit happier since while yes, the number goes up every year, some people aren't as fortunate. And what about your mom? She went through pain for you and if for no other reason, it is a day SHE gets to celebrate."

So, I took a step back and let the words sink in. Okay, this hit me in the head like a ton of bricks. I hadn't stopped to see it that way before and have had to admit that I've been more than a bit selfish through the years.

One of the only pictures I have of my dad smiling

So, here I am, embarking on another year. And while I'm quite anxious to see where this one leads, I can only hope that it is as deliriously wonderful as the last few years have been. I've been blessed in ways others haven't been and for that I am grateful. I have so much left to do!

My grandma always said "Time flies when you're having fun," so I must be having the time of my life :) But my uncle would always say that he'd never laid the last brick on one project before starting the next. His reasoning? "God can't call me home until the job is done." So, I'll keep having fun, but I'm not going to finish one job before I start another. That way, I'm serving a purpose, right? LOL

Here's a big thank you to my mom! For carrying me under her heart and in her heart from the very beginning, for putting up with a daughter who seems scattered, but really had a purpose, and for loving me through all the bullshit! On my birthday, I am celebrating her and all she's done for me!