I remember hearing those words a lot as I grew up. "Begin as you mean to go on." It took me a long time to understand the meaning of these words, but I've carried them with me for a lifetime. However, I don't always put them to use. This week, I did.
I started this new year, making myself promises. Promises to cut out the bad. Promises to love myself more. Promises to allow the good to flood my life. Promises to move with love, confidence, and respect in my daily life. Promises to allow myself to be free of the toxic behaviors of others. Promises to let love move me.
See, I've been working for the last two and a half years doing a job that I actually had liked. It wasn't going to be my career, but I didn't abhor it. It had become an abusive relationship and I finally had enough. After leaving work early due to some abusive behaviors and crying after I got home, I decided that enough was enough. I needed to begin as I mean to go on and that meant cutting the toxicity from my life. So, I quit. I walked out. I quit the job that guaranteed my independence and allowed me to rely on no one. With spring semester starting soon, I took a deep breath and leaped with faith.
A very charismatic man once told me "You and me are in this together. I'll hold your hand and we'll make it through." I asked him "What happens if we get to the edge of the cliff? Then what?" He just smiled and said "Then, we jump, but we jump together." It's all about taking a leap of faith!
Two years ago, I took a leap of faith when I quit the job I had in order to take this job. This job promised to be more, pay more, and would easily work around my schedule. Then, it stopped working. So, I took that leap the other day. I'm believing that something better is waiting for me. I'm praying that the universe and all that it holds will provide for me the things I need in order to live the life that I have.
I'm trying to actually follow the advice given to me as a kid. I'm beginning this year as I mean to go on...with peace, love, self-respect, self-confidence, and by cutting out the toxic people who drain me of any of those things.
So, I have made myself some comfort food, made new covers for the re-release of the books, and I've actually been writing. I'm practicing a bit of self-care and focusing on what matters. My intention is to live this life by my rules and doing things my way. After all, my mom told me that the day I was born, she was pretty sure that I had intended to live this life by no one else's rules. I began as I meant to go on...
