It was the Christmas where Cabbage Patch dolls were the "must have" toys. Like any little girl, I wanted one. As I'm sure you've figured out, my family wasn't financially well off. I knew the likelihood of me getting one wasn't good, but a little girl could hope. My mom was one who loved attending craft fairs (still does) and often made things to add to the table her ladies group had. This particular year, she found a doll for her little girl. She resembled the popular brand, but had a cloth face with her facial features painted on. She had blond yarn hair with pink ribbons. She had brown eyes and an outie belly button. Her dress was white with pink rosebuds and she wore white bloomers. She was perfect and I loved her. My best friend got a Cabbage Patch doll. I remember thinking that I had gotten the best gift because there was no other doll exactly like mine. I did that a lot...feeling sorry for my friends who didn't get homemade gifts. (Did I mention that I was an odd duck?)
Here is my first choice for today's musical collection:
I've always had a special affinity for winter. I love how the snow covers the world in this perfectly clean blanket and makes everything look so pristine. The light bounces off each individual snowflake, making beautiful rainbows in the snow.
My second choice is this one:
For me, there is nothing like getting snowed in with the person you love. There's playing in the snow, homemade hot cocoa, snuggling up in warm jammies under the blankets, reading books, flickering candlelight, long talks...you see my point. I love the romance of the winter season!
I'm from a small town called Marshall. It used to be a quiet little town with the pharmacy which still had their soda counter (no longer in use), the bakery with the most scrumptious goodies, the banks where the tellers knew you, the Five and Dime store, and you would stop to talk to everyone as you walked from shop to shop.
This is what my hometown looks like during the holidays:
I could lie and tell you that this is the Norman Rockwell version, but I won't. I have to admit that this is probably one of my favorite places to be when it comes to the holidays. This is home and nothing can compare.
I've hung out on this street on Friday and Saturday nights. I've shopped these stores. I've walked this street in parades and for my high school graduation. However, nothing beats Marshall during the holidays!
In light of this feeling of nostalgia, I'm going to share two Christmas songs that make me think of home.
This video is a win/win for me. Not only do I love this song, but it has Bob Hope in it. He was one of my grandma's favorite people. Many a night was spent on her lap, watching this man and the television specials he used to have.
My second choice is this one:
For me, there was nothing like walking down Main Street and watching all the windows come to life with snow, winter scenes, Christmas trees, ribbons, and bows. It seemed like the season arrived once the windows began to show their holiday spirit.
I made one post about Christmas memories and my mom reminded me of another. One holiday season, we couldn't afford to buy Christmas cards. My mom decided to harness her children's talents (my brother could draw very well). He drew the pictures for the front of our construction paper cards while I wrote the verses for inside. I didn't realize how poor we were. I just thought it was another thing Mom wanted to try. The thing I remember about that holiday was the comments everybody made about what an incredible card they received from our family.
This is my first song choice for today:
I remember singing this in church during my first Christmas program. I was in kindergarten. We certainly didn't sound like the video, but we stood in front of the church and sang. Made our parents proud. I think :)
This is my second choice:
Once again, we didn't sound nearly as good as this, but I remember singing this in the choir. Mrs. Riccinto was my choir director and she had to explain to us how to sing the "Excelsis" part since none of us knew Latin. We had a huge piece to sing in the Christmas program and the Excelsis part was throwing us all off. She told us to sing it as 'eggshells". To this day, I chuckle whenever I hear this song.
If you've been following me for any length of period, you know that music has always been a big part of my life. And you're also aware that the holidays aren't necessarily my favorite times of the year. However, I promised to let you a little further into my world by showing you the holiday music that means a lot to me.
This song used to play on the local radio station when I was a kid. I remember thinking how silly it was to want Santa to deliver a hippo. Eventually, the radio station stopped playing it. I hadn't heard it in years until I was sitting at a gas station in Pennsylvania, waiting on my then-husband. This song came on and I was all smiles when my childhood made a brief reappearance.
Yes, I'm a little silly. I'm also very wicked and dark. This next song is the perfect example of that. This is a song that was on a CD my then-husband had. I remember him getting the CD and playing me some of the songs. This one stuck out because it made me laugh. Yes, the hysterical belly laugh which shows the twisted sense of humor that resides inside of my cold black heart.
This is the beginning of a fun couple of weeks as I bring you some of the favorite music of the holiday season...at least, in my world. You'll see the silly, the dark and twisted, the serious, the tear-jerkers, and the love that filled my life.
I hope you enjoy the journey I am going to take you on! Hang on and enjoy the ride!
Being called a "Grinch" isn't bad in my world, but maybe I'm more of a Cindy Lou Who. I don't see the Christmas spirit a lot these days. I look around at the shopping carts overflowing with gifts being pushed by people who are frazzled and overwhelmed by the entire experience. The introvert in me loves observing the people and how their stress levels always seem higher as the contents of their shopping carts grow. The empath in me feels for them because they are trying to fill the holes in their lives with stuff.
See, I grew up in a family where the spirit of the holiday was more important than the physical gifts. It was about remembering your neighbors who maybe didn't have family to visit or spend the holiday with. My mom would bake and bake her heart out simply to give it all away. I remember her getting up extra early on Christmas morning to bake off loaves of bread, wrap them in dish towels, and put the loaves into the already prepared boxes of Christmas cookies and candies so Dad could run them to our neighbors before we opened gifts.
What's funny is I would sit and look through the catalogs for hours to prepare my Christmas lists every year. I don't remember a lot of the gifts I got (there are a couple that stand out in my mind), but I remember how I felt. I remember watching my parents. And though neither of them realized it at the time, I'm sure, they were teaching me about the true spirit of the season. What else is funny is this: I don't remember going shopping with my mom for gifts. But I do remember being in the kitchen, baking, cooking, stirring, dipping, washing, laughing, and loving.
My mother swears that I'm very un-Grinch-like. (She's my mom. She believes only good things about her baby! Lol) She doesn't know that when I'm driving to work, if a Christmas song comes on, I switch the radio station. Today, however, there was a song that came on and I couldn't change the station. Why? Because I heard the music start and I was transported back to that kitchen on a snowy December night. Cookies were baking. Fudge was bubbling away. My mom was in a pair of polyester pants and a sweatshirt. My dad was in his stocking feet, jeans, and a flannel shirt with a thermal shirt beneath it, sleeves rolled up. And he was singing this song:
There were tears in my eyes as I drove along. As much as the holiday music drives me crazy, this is one song I just can't turn the station for. This is another:
So, from now until Christmas, I'm going to make posts about my favorite holiday songs. Something to give you a bit of insight in the world of Gemma and what makes the holidays happy for me.
As most of you know, I've been on this journey. Lately, I've been looking at the things that have gone wrong in my life, either due to my bad judgement or because I allowed the wrong people to take the helm (so bad judgement on my part). I've been counting my blessings and learning to bless others as I walk along the yellow brick road.
Here's a thought: What if the darkest parts of the road where actually the times I was most blessed? Those times when I felt the lowest, I walked the path with hesitancy and trepidation, but I still kept putting one foot in front of the other. It was in those times that I found my strength. It was during those times when I found my determination. It was in the moments when I stumbled and fell, but rolled over for a moment or two to look up at the sky to watch the stars, that I saw the light.
I've always loved the dark. Someone once asked me why I loved the darkness as much as I do. I told them "Because in the daylight, we all put on masks and hide our true selves from others. But in the night, the masks come off and we get to be ourselves. The darkest part of the nightfall is where the freaks play." (Freaks is very much an endearment as I am one of those people.)
I don't know why I think the light of day will guide me and show me what I need to see. Bad things hide in the shadows of the daylight, but in the darkness, well, the true light shines. I look at some of the events of my life and think "Wow, what the hell were you thinking? If only you had taken that right turn at Albuquerque. If only you would have stuck to your guns and not listened to friends. If only you would have followed your heart." Do you know what? If I had taken that right at Albuquerque, not listened to others and followed my own heart, I wouldn't be here, in this place, in this moment, in this time. My path may have been easier, but we don't learn anything when things are easy. The struggle is where we learn who we are and what we are made of. I could have avoided a lot of pain and sorrow, but I wouldn't have learned the lessons I needed to learn. I've learned that I do value myself more than I believed, that I'm stronger than I thought I was, that I'm more intelligent than I originally believed, that I am beautiful (maybe not to everyone, but to more than I could have imagined), that I have the right to have crazy colored hair no matter what my age, that tattoos are works of art, but most of all, that I can allow myself to be loved in the same way that I love.
It is in the darkest times when we truly find ourselves. I don't need people to tell me what I should be studying or where. I don't need to hear that I'm beautiful, intelligent, or incredible. In the darkest times of my life, if I would have listened to my heart, the answers were right there. The stars were the true light, guiding me to my destiny and showing me the path that has been right in front of me all along.
With this realization in mind, I am putting one foot in front of the other and seeing where this road leads. This time, I'm allowing the stars to light my way and I'm following my heart.
The holiday season has me in its sights and has locked onto me like a heat seeking missle. I guess I should explain: I don't love holidays...at least, not like I used to. Somewhere through the years, they lost their magick. Maybe the baubles that hang on evergreen branches tarnished. I don't know.
I've been called many things over the past years, but Grinch seems to be what fits. I don't try to diminish everyone else's joy, but I'm gonna be honest...holiday decorations hitting store shelves before Halloween? Seriously? Steals a lot of my holiday joy. Growing up, I remember our radio stations playing holiday music, but before we could hardly get the Thanksgiving leftovers put away? It's as if we are trying so hard to rush through the holiday season that we forget what we are celebrating.
Halloween isn't merely about getting candy and dressing up. For some, like me, it is about honoring our ancestors. It is a time when the veil thins between the worlds and we communicate with those who've gone before. Sure, I like a good Reese's as much as the next girl, but there's so much more to it.
Then, we have Thanksgiving. Yeah, I know Pilgrims, Mayflower, Native Americans, blah, blah, blah. For me, this holiday is about giving thanks and showing your gratitude for what you have. Counting your blessings should be an every day experience, but taking one day to be with your family, friends, or lending a hand at a soup kitchen doesn't kill any of us. No shopping. No worrying about what little Bobby and Sue want for Christmas. Just time spent enjoying this life we've been given.
By the time Christmas rolls around, we are so wrapped up in the gift giving that we lose sight of what's important. We have an entire month that is hopelessly devoted to: how many presents does each person have, did I spend the same amount on each person, and did my sibling buy our parents a bigger/better/more expensive gift? When did we stop having fun? I remember my mom making gifts for people. She would spend hours sewing things for them, making sure the colors were perfect. But I also remember getting up Christmas morning, excited to see what Santa brought. I believed in the magick of it all. Somewhere along the way, Santa was sold out to Walmart. Gifts from the heart were tossed aside for big and expensive yet cheaply made items. We lost touch with our roots and reality. I remember gifts I was given as a kid that made me question some relatives' sanity, but I smiled, said "Thank you", hell, I even had to write thank you notes! And I did it. I still do. For me, it's important to sit down and put pen to paper to tell someone how special you feel because they took the time to think of you. I would rather have one simple gift that tells me a person took the time to thoughtfully purchase a gift for me, than to have several shiny, expensive gifts. Someone I loved deeply once bought me a 5-pack of my favorite ink pens. I cried at the thoughtful gesture. That meant more to me than if this person had brought me diamonds.
The holiday season has become so wrapped up in consumerism and selfishness. Your two year old doesn't need a tablet of his own to watch his shows on. He needs a dump truck or coloring books or maybe even a day spent with you. Something to show him that HE matters to you! Not your phone, your computer screen, or your shows, your child! Your kids won't remember the year they got their phone/tablet/video game/etc., but they will remember watching Christmas movies in their jammies, sledding down a snowy hill, playing a board game, or even helping make cookies...with YOU! You are the key to a magickal holiday season! You won't always be here and those gifts don't create memories.
I'm a little older and a little wiser (I think) so let me tell you something you may not know: People seldom remember the gift you gave them 30 years from now. What they do remember is that you took the time to make memories with them. One of my favorite memories? Being in the kitchen with my family, making cookies, fudge, and candies. Me stirring the pan of fudge on the stove. My dad beating the other batch of fudge at the table. My brother being annoying. My mom baking off the sugar cookies. The radio playing and the laughter...so much laughter! We were making so much more than goodies. There was love, laughter, and memories being made in that farmhouse kitchen. 20+ years later and all I have to do is close my eyes. I am transported back to that farmhouse kitchen in rural Michigan on a snowy night surrounded by love.
