What Do You See?

The other day I found a video on Facebook. They took Polaroids of women and asked the women what they saw. There were 63 women used on this project. I watched the video with tears in my eyes. So much beauty and strength was there, yet they sometimes missed it.

I'm on a college campus most days. While I realize that I'm not 18, I compare myself to the girls on campus. I'm not as skinny as that one. I'm not as pretty as another. My skin is flawed and not as fresh as a younger woman's. I'm heavier than most. I dress for comfort instead of style.

But I'm working on my self-image. I'm trying to be more positive about my appearance. For example: I love my hair! I work hard to make sure the color in my hair looks good. And my eyes...I love the color and shape of my eyes. Even in glasses, my eyes are my best feature.

So...I decided that maybe it was time I took a selfie and posted it for the world to see. I'm going to tell you what I see when I look at these pictures. I'm going to try to remain positive, but no promises there.

Ready? Okay, here we go:

Oh gods, this is harder than I thought it would be! *tears*

I see my dad's bone structure in my cheeks. I see my mom's complexion and her eyes. I see my grandmother's mouth. I see pain. I see strength. I see doubt. I see a woman who needs to learn to believe in herself and her abilities. I love her hair! I see someone who knows how to love everyone except herself. I see the introvert, the bookworm, the one who wants to blend in, the one who hopes everyone overlooks her. I see someone who has lost so much and is scared to death. I see the little girl who is scared of screwing up and is petrified to take a chance. I see the woman who has known what it is to be hurt at the hands of someone she trusted...enough so that she is scared to let people touch her...someone who flinches without realizing she's doing it. I see someone who thinks she is more overweight than she really is. I see a daughter. I see a friend. I see a small-town girl. I see someone with a very big heart that has been broken more times than she cares to admit. I see a farmer's daughter with a rebel streak a half mile wide.

I've been told that I have a beautiful smile. I just don't smile in photos because I'm very self-conscious of my teeth. For years, I've been told to "hide your smile" or "smile with your mouth closed". By not smiling, it doesn't mean that I'm not happy. I'm just...me. Mr. Charismatic Smile walked into class one day after having missed a class and said, "There's that beautiful smile. I missed it." He just about brought me to my knees with that comment. That one comment made my day so much brighter and I still smile when I remember that first day. However, old habits die hard.

So, there you go: Gemma finally shows you who she is physically. You all know me on a different level, but now, you see what I see.

I just want us to be more aware of ourselves, our bodies, and our view of those things. We shape our own views. Don't let anyone make you feel like you are less than you are! Because you are the best version of you...no one can tell you different!

Blessings and Love

I was raised in a home where, no matter how much or how little we had, blessing others was a given. The belief was if you blessed others, then you'd be caught up in a storm of blessings. I can see the point to that, honestly. After all, I was taught that you never knew when you'd be entertaining unawares.

This is the problem though: so many people are preaching to others about how their religion is the right one, yet so many have forgotten about the blessing without conditions. And when it comes to entertaining angels, have they stopped to think that the homeless man or woman may be that angel, but what about the fact that your child could also be that angel? I know people who become so wrapped up in "serving" the church and community that they forget that they can serve their gods by being dedicated parents, too. The homeless man deserves your respect just as the elderly couple in your church do, but...so do your parents, grandparents, children.

I know people who profess their religion, but don't live it. They gossip ferociously about the woman who shows up to Sunday services in a disheveled state, but they don't see that she has worked the night shift at a job she hates, but still shows up to thank her God for his blessings. These same people will give their time to the community events, but skip their kids' football games because they "don't have the time." They will offer to mow the yards or shovel the driveways of the elderly people in their church, but can't be bothered to do the same for their parents who live a block or two away.

As humans, we need to practice the faith of being good to everyone. After all, who is to say that the angel in your life isn't your mother, your son, your spouse, or your grandparent? Blessing others isn't a hard thing to do. But we are so determined that it is about blessing the people outside our family/friend units. We forget that they need to be blessed, too.

See that is the cool thing about love and blessings: they multiply when you give them away. But it multiplies tenfold when you bless those you love. They don't ask for too much too often. Sometimes it is simply a phone call to see how they are. Or maybe it is a couple of hours cheering them on. Or maybe even taking a plate of baked goods to them and visiting for an hour or so.

Why do we find it so hard to bless the world, but we forget the people in our families who need the blessings as well? What if when you get to the gates of wherever you're going after you die and you discover that the only religion needed to enter that space was one of blessings and love?

What is Beauty?

I've got a blog up for school titled "I Am Beautiful At..." I wanted to take a look at what people think beauty is.

I also want to bring about awareness that women of all shapes, sizes, ages, races, and religions are beautiful. As women, I think we spend more time judging ourselves and others instead of looking for ways to empower one another and raise each other up.

I'm not a reality television watcher. Duck Dynasty is the extent of my reality TV watching, but my husband loves reality TV, especially Survivor. That show grates on my very last nerve. It's one of those things that irritates the living hell out of me. Why should we only show cute little twenty somethings on a beach on some tropical island? Why not take the show to a cold climate where they have to wear winter coats? I'm thinking Alaska. Hey, they did Africa, didn't they? Let's see how Survivors do when they are cold and hungry. There is nothing about these women I see as attractive. Most of them are cold-hearted, nasty women who will hit on men to get their way.

I see this with all of the tabloid "princesses", too. Yet, as women, we look at these women and say, "I want to look like, dress like, act like...". Why? Why aren't we happy with who we are? Is it because media won't allow it? Or is it because as women we are trained to always want to be a size or two less than what we are?
  




It's been a long time ago, but I watched a lady on some show talking about aging. She spoke about how plastic surgery isn't an option and neither is coloring her hair. She talked about what wrinkles, laugh lines, and crow's feet meant to her. I took a long hard look in my mirror.

I am almost 41 years old. I am plus-sized and healthy. My blood pressure is normal as is everything else. I have a few wrinkles and laugh lines, but that means I've worried about people in my life and I've laughed a lot. I have gray hairs, but I have earned each and every one of them. I seldom wear make-up or curl my hair. My husband has seen me at my best and my worst and he still finds me attractive. I am bold, brassy, confident, sarcastic, and trusting. I'm sexy and beautiful at 41 because I am me!

What is beauty, in your opinion? Is it all about looks or is it about the beauty within that comes shining through? Talk to me, people!