It Looks Like We Made It...

As we close out the year, my Facebook feed is filled with people making lists of their accomplishments. People have traveled the world, gotten degrees, published several books, gotten their dream jobs, started their own businesses. All things that are great things! And I am so happy for them all. Then, there's me...I survived!

Yes, that is my great accomplishment for 2018...survival! I know it may not seem like much, but trust me, it has been a feat.

Depression has tried to kick my ass and some days it felt like it would succeed, but it didn't. I'm still here. I have watched my dreams get put aside because Life got in the way. My anxiety has shot through the roof. There were days when I couldn't even think of leaving my house. However, after a day of self-care, I managed to get out in the world again. I cried more tears than I have in a long time. I've hated myself, my life, and everything in between. However, I've also managed to fall in love with certain aspects of myself and laughter managed to wipe out the tears. And my dreams? Well, we'll see what comes of them. Right now, I'm not expecting much.

2018 has not been the best year on record, let me tell you! I haven't thrived in any way, shape, or form, but I have survived! To be honest, that is more important than anything. If I don't survive, I can never thrive.

So, let me tell you something. A while ago, I wrote about highlight reels and how people are only revealing their best selves on social media. They want the accolades that come with their successes. They don't show you the struggles or the downfalls they've faced.

Life has kicked my ass this year. I'm not being anything other than honest. I've scared the people who love me most. I went darker than I have gone in a very long time. But I'm still here. I'm still fighting. I keep believing that tomorrow will be a better day and the future me will find her way. People tell me that I have no faith. They're wrong!

Did you have a year where you saw dreams come true and made great strides in your life? That is great! I'm so happy for you! Did this year kick your butt? Are you still breathing and fighting for a better life? That is awesome! I'm proud of you!

I am praying that 2019 will be a better year. I hope I can find my lost path or maybe forge a new one. I hope to thrive and find a few of those long lost dreams coming to fruition. However, if I merely survive, well, that is okay, too! 

I wish you a happy and blessed New Year! Be safe! Be loved!