Saying "Thank You."

When I started this blog, it was all about my books and I kept my personal life pretty separate. However, I quickly found that my personal life influenced my books, my writing, and oftentimes, my lack thereof.

I get inquiries of a more forceful persuasion from some people who want to know why I'm not writing more and pumping out books. My answer is "Life." Life has this way of just getting in the way and ripping away the muses that fuel the writing that I want to do. I'm not living my best life, I'm surviving, at best. However, I'm still here and I'm working hard. Please be patient with me.

I wanted to thank you for standing by and reading my blogposts. I write these to get the thoughts and feelings out of my head, but I'm hoping they help others feel that they aren't alone in this world. 

My goal in this lifetime is to touch people and to make a difference in their lives. I'm not sure if I'm doing it or if I'm just floating along, but if you're still here and reading my posts, then maybe I'm touching you in some way.

So, on the American day for giving thanks and showing our gratefulness, I want to say "Thank you" for sticking with me on this journey of growth and self-discovery. You support me and lift me up during my darkest hours. I cannot thank you enough for reading these rantings and ramblings.

Bright blessings to you and yours! 

Giving Thanks...

As we approach the week of Thanksgiving, I've been doing a lot of thinking about how things have changed since last year at this same time. And I've been giving thanks for all the changes, the good and the bad.

Last year, I was working and thinking I'd be stuck in this job forever since I didn't see a way to go back to school. Yet, here I am. I'm back in college and not doing half bad. I've made some decisions that have helped and I'm moving forward with so much hope.

People have come and gone in this last year. It hasn't been easy to let them go. However, I've had no choice, but to let them go. Maybe some day I'll understand, but for today, I'm thankful that they walked with me while they could. I've learned and grown from having them with me.

I had been panicking about getting my books back from the publisher and I did. I'm grateful for all that I learned with the publisher I had, but I'm also thankful that I can move forward on my own terms. 

I've made personal choices and decisions, made efforts that hurt, but stretched me into growing, and it's an ever evolving thing. I've experienced hurt and happiness, joy and deep sorrow, yet, I'm thankful for everything I've gone through and those who have stuck by me through it all! 

So, this week, while I'm counting my blessings and enjoying the break from school, please know that each and every one of you are among the blessings I am thankful for. 

Life is organic and fluid. Changes are occurring all the time, however, big or small. And they're not always easy changes, but they are necessary. But choosing to be thankful...well, it helps, trust me, it helps.

Thank You...

It's that time of year again (where on earth has 2016 gone?) and everyone is posting things they are thankful for. Me? I'm happy to be here!

I'm thankful for my family and friends, for this life I have, and for the ability to do the things I love. Working in the field I do, I appreciate the little things like taking a shower by myself, going to the store (as much as I despise shopping), and even cooking meals. Sometimes it really is just the little things that we don't think about.

As much as people complain about how people have to work on the holidays, there are some of us who don't have a choice. Yes, I am one of those. Stop for a moment though. Who would take care of us in an emergency situation if the doctors, nurses, and EMTs all were home with their families? Who would be there when we have to stop for gas as we travel to see our families? What about those family members who are in nursing homes? Or what about those people who have no family to spend the holidays with? They still need care. They need showers, meals, etc. Not everyone is equipped to deal with an aging or disabled family member.

And I would be remiss if I didn't mention the members of our military who guard us day and night, keeping a vigilant watch over our borders and our families. While I know we are extremely thankful for their service, if they didn't work 365 days  a year, where would we be? And what about their families who are struggling through without them? It's not an easy job being a military spouse or kid! You learn to cherish the time you get, holidays or no.

So, for the people who are working the holiday, I thank you! Yes, even the retail clerks! Do you know why? Because I am me and I will have inadvertently forgotten something. I will have to rush out and pick it up at the last minute. If the store were closed, well, I'd be SOL. And having worked retail, trust me, I've been thanked plenty. From the mother who forgot to pick up formula for her baby to the old man who simply had no place to go for the holidays and decided to do his shopping, I felt lucky to be part of their day.

And while we are on the topic of retail people, can I give you a word of sound advice? If you are out shopping this holiday season, please remember that your cashier is merely doing his/her job! They did not set the prices. They do not know every single item that is on sale in their store, let alone someone else's. They are not responsible if you are shopping out of state and your bank has a spending limit and your card is declined. (Yes, I was told I was incompetent at my job over this issue.) They are not responsible for expired coupons. They are on their feet with minimal breaks dealing with customers who are...let's just say, less than pleasant, and they are barely making minimum wage. They are not there because they wanted a "fun job." They are there because they have to be. They are there working to put a roof over their children's heads, food on their families' tables, and pay their bills. You may be stressed out by all the frantic hassle and mobs of people, but these people are doing it 8 hours a day and not necessarily by choice!

I want to send out a big "Thank You" to all of you who are working this holiday! It's not easy and you'd rather be home with your families, but I appreciate you! I'm thankful you sacrifice time away from your family to be on call for mine. And, in case, I haven't said it enough, I'm blessed to have all of you in my life. Thank you for being here, for reading my blogs, and for supporting me on this mixed up, messed up journey I call my life!

What I'm Thankful For...

"A day late and a dollar short" as my grandma would say. Yes, that is me. I've been so neglectful lately and it shows in everything. From my writing to my friendships to my homework, I've been neglecting way too much.
I promised everyone that this was going to be a year of change, but I never dreamed how many changes would come my way. What a difference a year can make!
Yesterday, I spent my first holiday...alone. I cooked a small dinner for my Diesel and me. I spent the day in my pajamas, working on homework, playing on the internet, and watching movies. My baby sister called and we talked. Okay, I cried a lot, she coughed a lot (she's sick), and she listened to me bitch. Then, I realized that I never wrote out what I'm most grateful for.

So today I will share what I am most grateful for (in the order of which they came to me):

My baby sister who listens to me. She makes me laugh, cry, think, and roll my eyes. Her humor is twisted and dark. Her brain is weirdly wired like mine and her weirdness can catch mine toe to toe. She lets me vent when things aren't working and doesn't laugh (too hard) when I realize the situation isn't nearly as bad as I thought.

My roommate, my best friend, my partner who gets me. He gets all of me...most of the time. He came into my life when I felt more alone than I had ever been. He walked through that classroom door and flipped my world upside down. He gave me hope. He cared when I felt no one else did. He helped when I didn't think I had a friend in the world. He organized and strategized. He gave light to my darkness and showed me the weird freak that lives inside of him. His weirdness dances with mine and  my demons quiet at the sound of his name.

My furkid who has been there through all the insanity of the last year. His paw was always there for me to hold when I needed that physical contact with someone or something. He's made me laugh more than anyone else could. He accepted the changes in our life like a trooper and fell in love with the people who have come into our lives. He doesn't begrudge me the times when I leave him alone for a few hours to go out and explore my darkness. He's been my constant through it all.

My friends who helped me through the worst summer ever. I don't know what I would have done without you. You gave Diesel and I a place to live while asking for very little in return. You listened as I cried and bitched about the move we were going to make. You kept me from making the worst decision of my life. You helped us move into our new home and helped out with the little things we needed...like a shower curtain and a bed. You came to visit and told me I always had a home to come home to. You are my friends who became my family and I love you more than you will ever realize.

The friends who have often sent a text message or FB'd me just to check in and let me know they are there if I need a shoulder.

My fans, new and old, who stand by patiently (or not so patiently in some cases) while I get my shit together. You've been faithful and loyal. For that alone, I am truly grateful. Book 3 is almost finished, I promise.

To live in the country I live in where I can get an education and become anything I wish to be

To have had the childhood I did

To have been raised by the most incredible man in the world...my daddy.

To have known the love of a mother, even though she wasn't MY mother

To have had the courage to make the changes I made

For my talent as a writer

For my family who still stands beside me

For the new friends who have come into my life, accepted me and showed me that I'm not alone in my darkness. You've helped me grow and you've shown me that I'm not nearly as weird as I thought I was. I've learned so much from all of you in the short time we've been acquainted. More often than not, you keep the light burning bright inside of my cold, dark heart.

There are many things that I'm sure I'm forgetting, but these are a few things (and people) I am most grateful for. Without the people in my life, I would be more lost than I ever thought.

One more thing, I'm grateful for...snow. I have discovered just how much I love the stuff. It is beckoning to me now and I need to get out and shovel. It's actually more invigorating than I ever imagined. One of these days, I'll post some pics for you.

For now, be good to each other, love one another, and hug those you love most!