Gemma's World
Where the Upper Peninsula of Michigan & a writer's imagination collide...
Tuesday, July 28, 2020
The Hardest Words to Say
Wednesday, June 24, 2020
A Little Something I Wrote
The other day this piece popped into my head. I could literally see the story playing out. This hasn't happened in a while which told me that this was an important piece to write.
I shared it with a friend who called in "heartbreaking" and that's exactly the thing. My heart was breaking and I needed to write the pain out.
I thought I'd share it with you.
The Slow Death
Plain as she can be, she never dreamed she’d be here. In
this place. In this time. Staring down the barrel of several loaded guns.
Caught in the crosshairs. Waiting for the one willing to pull the trigger.
Her deer eyes blink slowly, but she is frozen. Too scared to
move. Too scared to stay where she is. Her body trembles as she feels the
weight of the scopes, scanning the best place to plant the bullet that could
lead to her demise.
Her only path is dark and overgrown with underbrush. She
could hide well, but there are even scarier things waiting for her there.
Creatures with sharpened teeth and razor-like claws who wish to rip her tender
flesh from her body are concealed from the light of the day.
Her body shudders slightly, visible only to those closest to
her. She slowly turns, allowing her body to block others who stand as terrified
as she. She bares her neck to the ones
holding the guns. The ones who would kill her with one shot. She is willing to
lie bleeding out on the forest floor to protect those who aren’t as willing to
die as is she.
She hears the soft sighs of the hunters as she waits for the
bullet to pierce her flesh. She turns slowly to look at the hunters…one at a
time. She nickers softly, encouraging the others to flee and not return for
her. She is willing to meet her fate. After all, no one will miss her. She is
nothing to them. Just another trophy for their wall and meals for their
families.
She hears a man call something. With a deep breath, her long
lashed eyes close. She hears men’s laughter as she opens her eyes to find the
darkest haired of the men making his way toward her, his hand outstretched,
reaching to run his fingers over her trembling body. He speaks in such a low
and calming manner as he strokes his hands over her. She feels her body leaning
into him, begging him for more. The one wild creature in the forest that aches
for the touch of man. The touch of THIS man.
His friends are teasing him as he slowly runs his long
fingers of her. He smiles and her heart melts. Today she will not die in the
way she anticipated. Instead she will die because this man will merely carry
her heart with him as he walks away. And he will walk away. They all walk away.
She is a wild creature not meant to be loved in any capacity. She is merely for
men’s entertainment and amusement. She is not meant to have forever. She is
only meant for the here and now.
The man coaxes her to follow him and the wild in her heart
aches to be free. He does not understand that wild things aren’t made to be
domesticated simply because they’re terrified of having their spirits broken.
Again, he whispers murmurs of love. Her heart races because
there is nothing she wants more than to be loved by this man. However, he like
the others will hurt her. He’s a man. He doesn’t know any other way to be. But,
god, this man. This man she wants to love more than the others before him. He
teases her to follow him towards the edge of the clearing.
His friends continue to tease and laugh. In her heart, she
knows they’re laughing at her stupidity and willingness to give herself over to
him for one more stroke of his hands over her. She tried to tune them out and
just enjoy the moment. The man then laughs and shoos at her. “Stupid woman! Did
you really think I’d love you?”
She feels her heart shatter into a millions pieces and tears
fall from her big doe-like eyes. The droplets cling to her lashes as she looks
at him, her wounded heart glistening in her eyes. She slowly turns to walk into
the dense underbrush, praying to be devoured by the dark creatures with fangs
and claws. It would be so much easier than the slow death of falling in love.
-GKM-6192020
Saturday, June 13, 2020
Loyalty, Smoyalty
Saturday, May 30, 2020
Life is Good
Friday, May 8, 2020
Mother's Day
Saturday, May 2, 2020
Holding Space
My friend told me to "Just sit in this situation for now. Get your balance. Build that foundation." And that was just the advice I needed.
My life isn't in a bad place. I'm financially doing just fine. I've got a few things on my plate, but nothing I can't handle. However, I need to deal with what's there before adding anything more. This means I need to hold space for myself for a little bit.
I'm working on letting go of things and people who no longer allow me to live my best life. I'm trying to release the past and live where I am. I'm finding the things I'm passionate about and letting them be what I focus on when my anxieties are riding high. Most of all, I'm learning to dream again.
I wish I could explain to you how good that feels. I had given up on so many things lately. Instead of thriving where I was planted, I was surviving and only just. However, lately, I've been doing things I would never dream of doing before. I've signed up for a project that will take me so far out of my comfort zone that I can't see how I will return from it unchanged. I'm beginning to see the direction I want to steer this ship of mine.
But for now, I'm allowing the waves to lap at my hull as I sit in the safe harbor where I'm anchored. And I'm holding space...for myself for a change.
I'm so used to holding space for other people. So often, I just let my problems and my shit be pushed down so I can help those I love most. But if I have learned anything from this journey, I've learned that I cannot give from an empty cup. I cannot nourish you while starving myself.
So, for now, I'm working on things that make me happy. (Including a new blog called "What Makes You Beautiful-Going Beyond the Looking Glass" It's a blog about finding your beauty at any age.) I'm allowing the dreams to come and who knows where I'll end up. I just hope you all stick around for the crazy journey!
Monday, March 30, 2020
Coronavirus 2020
I'm still working my day job though our office is closed to the public. As a seasonal worker, my concern is finding another day job with this #SaferAtHome thing going on. I still have bills and need to find a way to keep paying them.
I have family members and friends who are like family who have suppressed immune systems or health issues that have them living in fear for their very lives.
I tell you all of this so you know that anxiety and depression is running at an all-time high in several areas of my world. YOU ARE NOT ALONE! This mess keeps us isolated from each other, but reach out!
I have a best friend who I am missing dearly. We still message every day. Isn't the same as sitting down and having a conversation, but it works for now.
This time is a big struggle for many. Essential workers are struggling being away from their family members and dealing with people who just don't understand how dire this situation is. Non-essential workers are struggling with being isolated from the world at large.
If you can, get out in the sunshine and embrace nature, allowing Mother Earth to hold you tightly against her. If that isn't an option, don't spend all of your downtime in front of the television or on social media. Read a book. Write in a journal. Meditate. Love on your pets. Clean your space.
If you go out into the world for whatever reason, you have, please remember to be kind. Nobody is happy with the state of the world at the moment. We are all dealing with internal struggles and we are simply humans. Showing patience and kindness harms no one.
You are loved. You are needed. You are doing just fine. And you are not alone in your feelings.